I recently heard Tobias Jones talking on the radio about Windor Hill Wood, an experiment in communal living, albeit a fairly extreme one where his family took in folk with a range of issues, with the ideal of giving them a refuge. Although our circumstances are vastly different, much of what he said struck a chord with me. Before coming to Lackan, we lived on a farm in Bangor that offered basic social prescribing, so people with a wide range of mental and physical issues came to the farm to help with all kinds of projects, and I got an insight into their lives. During that period I learned a lot, met some amazing people, and now it gives me an admiration for anyone who could contemplate taking that on full time.
Now that we are here, we once again welcome visitors to the farm, mostly in the form of volunteers who are staying for a number of weeks. They are generally coming to improve their english, or to get some life experience, or want to see the world and are on a budget. Running this place wouldn’t be possible without them, and along the way we have had some fantastic experiences. We’ve also learned a lot – plenty about other people, but also about ourselves, and how it is to live in a wider group that is in a state of constant flux as people come and go.
Community is very important to us, and something that we have worked to be a part of here in South Down, as well as building up ourselves. It isn’t what many people would recognise as a traditional community, and is spread over a fairly wide area, but it is a community nonetheless. Our visitors and volunteers form a more immediate community, and it is always a rewarding experience to have people here. Along the way we have learned that everyone needs boundaries and space, and just how much those can vary between people. We tread a line between opening our home to visitors, and maintaining a space to which we can retreat as a family when it all gets too much.
To this end, we’ve definitely got a little blunter and more open about the basic rules, not just in order to preserve our sanity, but because often what seems obvious to us, just isn’t to others, and because people generally seem to welcome some basic structure to their lives here. Sometimes people feel that we really are an open house, and though it is great that people are inspired and want to come and see, it is important to set some boundaries so that we all know where we are.
Maybe we have been lucky, but in three years we have had almost no really bad experiences, and looking back, they were mainly caused by failures of communication, and that is where we learn the most. Our memories are mainly of the funny stories, the collective satisfaction of work well done, of amazing food, and of good companionship.
Initially, and to some extent now, I think we are too eager to please, that we are almost apologetic about the things that we know remain to be done here, when we simply are what we are, doing our best to demonstrate how a certain way of life can work, and provide a space to which others can bring their own talents or experiences and pass them on.
In many parts of the world the idea of a nuclear family living on their own, apart from relatives and others in the community would appear very strange indeed. In the UK it is pretty much the norm now for many people, and so the idea of having a household that is comprised of an ever changing assortment of people from different cultures, nationalities and ages, does take some getting used to. Lately we have sat down at the table to eat dinner with the most interesting and varied people, and watched as our daughter – not three years old – accepts them, plays with them, and thinks of this as just the way things are.
Initally some people were horrified that we would allow total strangers to live here with our young daughter, but we are always watchful, but yet open, and so she welcomes them all, and by and large disarms them. Nothing crosses the language barrier better than a toddler who will laugh at the simplest of things, and Lyra has certainly done her bit to make people feel at home.
As she grows up, so we hope that this constant ebb and flow of visitors from across the globe will allow her to share knowledge in a way that you simply don’t find anywhere else, and that we will continue to share our space with them, as they help this place grow and flourish.
To those who have visited – thank you one and all – you know who you are, we couldn’t manage without your support.
x
